Skip to main content

the inbetweeners

I stumbled upon an ad that caught my eye today, it wasn't the skincare product that made me stop and stare but rather the model advertising the product. I wondered for a second why this pretty woman looks so familiar until I realised it's the woman you've been seeing the past years since the last time we spoke. 

The thought of you hardly crossed my mind anymore, like I am sure I barely ever cross your mind. But today I looked back down the memory lane of us and I tried to pin point exactly where we grew apart.

Was it the last time I flew by that city, made you wait for 2 hours in the dinner reservation you booked and I left the bouquet of flowers you brought in my hotel to die?

or was it that time you sent my mom bouquet but I switched off my phone when you called and the delivery had to leave it outside just for it to be stolen?

or was it that time you sent a note with chocolate and flowers in college and I had my ex pick it up for me?

or was it that time I drunk text you to tell you that I was never gonna break it off with my man but I still wanted you hanging around so I can run to you whenever he and I fought?

is it one of those things or a combination of it all? 

I remember you getting frustrated, telling me that you're so tired of the shits I pull, that you were done.

But I mean, you say that a thousand freaking times over a period of half a decade that I stopped believing you. 

I guess this time, you really are done. 

You always liked the attention you get on social media and airports. Well, the airport is basically your kingdom where you strutted with your pilot uniform and your "captain" batch. You loved showing off the things you have and own. I like to keep you private and hidden which is one of the things that upset you the most. I am glad you now find someone who according to her social media seems to share the same value as you. Your scorching hot super model girlfriend seems to like showing you off to her 1 million instagram followers with the hashtag that says "insta couple" and her fans commenting how the captain pilot dating a super model was such a "couple goals". 

I don't miss you staying in phone all night so I won't feel lonely, I don't miss you sending me bouquets in every city I land, I don't miss our yearly new years eve scheduled call time we have every year. I am glad you were around when my immature emotionally unstable younger self needed someone. But now that I don't need a shoulder to lean on I think I am genuinely happy for you, not just in a way to cover up jealousy. 

You and I have always been too different in a way that I just cannot stand you at times and we both know we could never make it work. So I am glad you find someone who accepts you and loves you for who you are although the shits you do irritate the shit out of me, she seems to find those shit of yours funny and entertaining. And you deserve that - someone who will love the shit out of the shits you do. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Irreconcilable Love

Never been one to have wondering eyes. Been too focused on navigating life and building myself up that I forget to derive pleasure off casual flirty interactions.  No, I do not deny the attractiveness of the beautiful people around me. They sure are a pleasure to the eye. But like the saying "out of sight, out of mind"  I tend to appreciate them as part of God's creation. I acknowledge their beauty but swiftly return my attention to the self-centered trajectory of my own ambitions and the life I aim to achieve. Been so emotionally closed off while aching for a shoulder to lean on, someone to deeply connect to. Then there you were, showering me with promises, security that you won't do me wrong as I slowly let my guard down giving you the trust I haven't had the ability to instill on anyone else. I am not denying your claim that you did treated me well... atleast on the initial stages when you were overwhelmed by your infatuations. You worshipped me, treated me in ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Down is a lot easier than up

I recently come across a person who told me that he's trying to rate me and figure out who is prettier, me or another girl after their failed attempt to guilt trip me to make time and spend time with them. I firmly let him know that I was not in a competition with any other women or men, especially in terms of how physically attractive I look, that I highly dislike his comment and as I said those with raging voice that I try to hide, I mentally question why I even let myself get acquainted with people with such an unhealthy mindset, how I've always had a circle with very similar perspective as I do and for a moment, I quite consider myself Mother Teresa for having the patience to talk to this person without losing my sanity.  But I believe my words went straight over his head as he had zero idea what he said wrong, he genuinely had no idea how unhealthy that kind of mindset is or how unacceptable it is, which I believe is mostly because he have been surrounded by people who con...
Post a Comment
Read more

BEAUTY

Do you derive pleasure in telling people they look ugly/disgusting because they do not fit the criteria of what you perceive to be beautiful??? Are you aware of the consequences of your actions? Or how your "jokes" can have impact on not just the person but everyone around you who hear it?  I have been on the receiving end, where I had to pretend like what they said do not have any impact on me, but it does.  After all, we are just social animals who seeks acceptance and validation.  I do not put the blame on you if your perception of  "beautiful" is so manipulated by our society that you just cannot look past it.  But if the factors that contribute to this standard of beauty was slightly changed, YOU yourself could be awfully ugly and disgusting that looking at you alone could be unpleasant. I am not here trying to teach you to be kind when I am not so kind myself, but your lack of empathy and demeaning jokes is such a shame.
Post a Comment
Read more