thecoffeelover

I am too scared to admit that the thought of ending it all have crossed my mind and ending it seems so much easier than to push through. I am scared to say it out loud coz then some of you might try and get me help, but what can therapy really do?  Tell me that I am not the only one who go through shits? yeah, no shit... I am quite aware of that. Perhaps I am too weak unlike any of you who survive despite the hardships the world throws at you. Don't you try and be the hero on this.  Tf can they really do? Get me Anti-depressants? Drugging me isn't gonna solve the actual problem would it?  The temporary high might cloud my mind from reality but when I get back my sense of clarity, it's still going to be there.  The endless darkness ahead. I don't want help, not the kind you think I need. I don't want to talk about it, I don't even have the energy to fight, just let me be... in silence...Let me be - to drown myself until I am consumed and finished by it.

I stumbled upon an ad that caught my eye today, it wasn't the skincare product that made me stop and stare but rather the model advertising the product. I wondered for a second why this pretty woman looks so familiar until I realised it's the woman you've been seeing the past years since the last time we spoke.  The thought of you hardly crossed my mind anymore, like I am sure I barely ever cross your mind. But today I looked back down the memory lane of us and I tried to pin point exactly where we grew apart. Was it the last time I flew by that city, made you wait for 2 hours in the dinner reservation you booked and I left the bouquet of flowers you brought in my hotel to die? or was it that time you sent my mom bouquet but I switched off my phone when you called and the delivery had to leave it outside just for it to be stolen? or was it that time you sent a note with chocolate and flowers in college and I had my ex pick it up for me? or was it that time I drunk text you